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Jerry Seinfeld


American
April 29, 1954
Comedian
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Men want to make women happy.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Women Men Want
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A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Out Lot Stuff
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My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.


Jerry Seinfeld
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To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Me Like Guy
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.


Jerry Seinfeld
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Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Also Big Game
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Want Put Hear
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That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.


Jerry Seinfeld
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Men Like Just
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Want Parents Move
We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.
Jerry Seinfeld
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.


Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Me Life Thing
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: You Like Get
I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Time Out Go
Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: You Them Never
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Good Great Get
You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: Me Like About
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags: You Think Get