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Jerry Seinfeld
American
April 29, 1954
Comedian
Men want to make women happy.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Women
Men
Want
A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Out
Lot
Stuff
My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Time
Human
Percent
To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Me
Like
Guy
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Funny
Think
I Think
Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Also
Big
Game
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Want
Put
Hear
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Christmas
People
Me
Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Men
Like
Just
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Want
Parents
Move
We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Moment
Present
Total
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Me
Life
Thing
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
You
Like
Get
I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Time
Out
Go
Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Were
Different
Comedy
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
You
Them
Never
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Good
Great
Get
You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Time
Experience
You
I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
Me
Like
About
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
Tags:
You
Think
Get